


Let's be Pioneers

by foxaquatica



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Other, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22656319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxaquatica/pseuds/foxaquatica
Summary: ** ON HOLD DUE TO BEING "KEY WORKER" DURING CORONA - NOT ABANDONED, WILL RETURN **Back when Buck was a kid, he and Maddie were adopted by Athena and Bobby - Now Buck works with his adoptive dad as a firefighter in the 118, and everything is great until Eddie Diaz is assigned to the fire house. Its loathing at first sight for Buck and Eddie, or maybe just Buck.Repressed feelings from his childhood bubble to the surface, and feelings that link back to his birth father stop him in his tracks to happiness.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 14
Kudos: 196





	1. Maddie and Buck Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Harry unfortunately don't exist in this story, I really wanted to write him in but it didn't work with what I had planned. May is slightly older in this than she is the show because I wanted at least one of the grant kids around
> 
> THIS IS A PROLOGUE - THE MAIN STORY IS SET IN SEASON 2 AND BEGINS IN CHAPTER 2. Eddie is not in this chapter, and Maddie is not a main voice in the rest of the story, she's still an active character who will be in most chapters, but won't be as heavily involved in the voice of the story, I hope that makes sense :)

Madison and Evan Buckley got removed from their home when Evan was 9 and Madison was 13, after Evans father beat him half to death after finding him looking at pictures of Jonathan Taylor-Thomas in one of his sisters magazines. Evan didn't know what he did wrong, he had no real concept of sexuality at that age, all he knew is he had a crush on Carrie-Anne Simms from his class at school, but the pictures of the boy in the magazine made him feel a similar way, but he knew from church that boys can't feel that way about boys.

He now knew from a beating that boys could never feel that way about boys, or their fathers beat them.

Both children were relocated to Los Angeles to get as far away from their fathers incarceration, and placed into a foster home. Which is where everyone expected they would stay until they aged out of the system.

Their mother died when Evan was 3 months old, she had post-natal sepsis, Evans father always blamed him for her death.

2002, that was the year Athena Grant's husband left her, with one small child, May who was only an infant at the time- He was gay and couldn't live the lie anymore.

Only a few months later, Athena met the man who she would fall in love with and marry in less than a year, Bobby Nash.

A year later, there was a fire at a group home. Bobby Nash was a fireman with the 103, he pulled 4 children from the fire, one child died.

Bobby stared at the wreckage, his eyes scanning the street, a small boy cried into the shoulder of a teenage girl--she couldn't be much older then 15, Bobby thought to himself. He found himself going over to them without taking a second thought on the matter, as he recognized the boy, who identified himself as "Bucky" when Boddy pulled him from the burning building. 

Crouching down to the kerb, he met Madison at eye level

"Hi kids" He spoke gently "How old are you?" 

Madison held herself with reserve, she didn't know who this man was and was cautious. 

"Bucky, right?" Bobby spoke

"How do you know his name?" She pulled Bucky closer to her side

"He pulled me out" Bucky whispered "I'm ten" 

"Ten! You're a big boy then, and very brave too. I couldn't have got little Ava out of there without your help!" He gestured towards the girl, who was around 6, being checked in the back of an ambulance 

"Really?" Bucky sat up and pulled away from Maddison slightly, but still holding onto her. 

"I'm Madison" She finally spoke up again "Thank you for saving my brother" A tear rolled down her cheek. 

"Your brother, huh? Found family or blood?" He queried. 

"Blood" She wiped her tear "I'm fourteen. I can look after him from here" 

"I'm sure you can" Bobby smiled "but I'd still like to have a better look at him, he inhaled a lot of smoke."

"Alright Madison, you need to come with me" A voice came from behind Nash, interrupting him "We're relocating you to a girl's home until we can find space in a mixed home" 

"NO" Bucky cried "You can't take her" 

"Evan" The woman scolded "Do not make this day harder than it's already been. We lost Lucas today, be greatful you survived. Madison come with me." 

Bobby stood up and turned to the woman, who was at least two feet shorter than him "You really think it's wise to separate siblings after a traumatic event?" 

"Do I tell you to do your job, " He saw her glance at his tag "Mr Nash?" 

"With all due respect, I'm a father, and I know separating these kids would be a mistake" 

"If you can find a group home willing to take a teenager and ten year old, be my guest. Until them Madison needs to come with me." 

"They'll come with me." Bobby said firmly 

The woman scoffed "Just because you're a fire fighter doesn't mean I can send two children away with you" 

"Me and my wife are registered emergency foster carers, I'm phoning CPS and they're coming with me."

The woman there her hands in the air "If this falls through and Madison misses the bus, you're responsible for finding her a ride. Give me the appropriate paperwork and they're your problem" 

"Children aren't a problem, and you shouldn't be acting like they are in your line of work." Bobby set his jaw and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, dialing his wife's number. 

"Athena, I'm doing something probably stupid. Can you set up the emergency room with two cot beds... yeah I'll explain it, I've just got to call CPS, I'll call right back after." 

He phoned CPS next and then spoke to Athena again, who was getting a friend from the station to pull the kids files, and in less than an hour a rep arrived at the site of the burnt down house with the relevant documents, and the group home social worker signed off on him taking the kids. 

Bobby walked back over to the kids, Bucky was asleep on the kerb after being checked by the medics, his head on Madisons lap as she mindlessly stroked his hair, staring at the black shell that had been their home for the past year. It took her a moment to realize Bobby had returned. 

"You're going to have to wake him up, you two are coming home with me, it's the only way I could keep you together."

Madison tensed "is... is it just you?" 

"My wife and daughter also" 

This seemed to ease Madison a little, she bent her head down and whispered, waking Bucky up gently. 

"Are they taking you away?" Bucky rubbed his eyes

"No... We're going with the fire fighter."

Bucky looked at Bobby, and for the first time felt fear looking at the authoritive man "I'm scared" He whispered. 

Madison nodded "I know, Buck, stay here" 

She stood up and marched past Bobby, grabbing his sleeve on the way past and moving few feet from the boy. 

"Are you going to shout at him?" She asked firmly "Because we can't go with you if you're going to shout at him, I'm fair game, but not him" 

Bobby was confused "I don't plan on shouting at either of you" his brow furrowed "What is this about?" 

Madison sighed "CPS is going to tell you anyway" she pondered for a moment "My dad... our dad... he was awful. We're not from LA, we had to be relocated here to be far away from him and his family. He almost killed Buck."

Bibby recoiled "What" he shook his head and looked at the small boy "Who could ever--why would anyone-" 

"I heard some adults calling it persuasion" She mused sadly, "He likes boys, but not all the way. He's not gay, I don't think" She looked at her feet "My dad caught him looking at one of my magazines, it was innocent enough. Some pictures of a guy, I don't remember who it was. I don't even think Buck knows what sexuality is, he just knows he likes the way girls and boys look" 

Bobby nodded, his heart full of sadness that anyone could ever hurt a child over something they barley understand. 

"So if that's not something you or your wife can handle, his curiosity, maybe it's better I go to the girls home until there's another group home" 

Bobby shook his head "You're both coming with me. This doesn't bother me and won't bother my wife."

"What about your daughter? She won't bully him if she catches him in her things?" 

Bobby laughed "May is only just one, she loves everyone, go get your brother Madison, we're riding the truck back" 

Madison nodded "You can call me Maddie" 

"Okay Maddie" Bobby nodded. 

... 

The truck ride seemed to cheer Bucky up, by the time they'd made it back to Bobby and Athenas home, Bucky was dragging himself through the door. 

"Hello sweethearts" Athena greeted them at the bottom of the stairs, a baby on her hip "You must be Madison and Evan" 

Maddie nodded, holding her brothers hand "You're Athena?" 

"Yes" Athena nodded "And this is May" the baby gurgled

Bucky smiled and yawned. 

"You two must be so tired. I'll show you to your room, and don't worry, this room is only temporary."

Athena led them down the hall and up some stairs, she opened the door to the "emergency room" which was in fact just a spacious empty room with two sad cots tucked to each side. 

"It's not much, but we weren't expecting you and only moved in two months ago, so we hadn't set up a guest room, I've already ordered some new proper beds and mattresses, they'll be here over the next few days, and then we'll have a total mix up, you'll have your own room hopefully within a week, Madison."

Tears welled in Maddies eyes "My own room? how long do you think we're staying here" 

Athena didn't miss a beat "As long as the state will let us have you, baby girl. I'm not letting them separate you two after all you've been through."

Maddie nodded, wiping her tears "I've never had my own room" 

"Well" Athena smiled "In less than a week, you will."

Athena and Bobby stuck to their word, in less than a week, the Buckley siblings had beds, Evan shared a room with one-year-old May, and Maddie, as promised - had her own bedroom. 

A few months went by in the Buckley-Nash household, eventually both Maddie and Bucky opened up to Athena and Bobby, and soon enough, Bobby and Athena couldn't picture living without them. Which is when Maddie overheard a conversation between Athena and their social worker. 

Maddie had come home from school early as she'd just had her first period and had bled through her clothes, she didn't realize how quietly she entered the house until she realized Athena didn't hear her come in. Sensing the topic at hand was private, Maddie pressed herself against the door as to not disturb them. 

"I understand your frustration Mrs Nash, but we can't have you and your husband picking up strays like this, you're registered as emergency carers only, and we have group home spot open" 

"Do not call them strays. They are not strays, and they are not leaving."

"You have to understand, these children are on the adoption track, and they can't be in an environment like this just to be ripped out of it when someone shows interest. This is a family and its not fair on them" 

Athena groaned "What about this arent you getting, Cherise? We're keeping them" 

"Thats not how emergency care works, these children are being removed and put into a group home" 

Tears flooded down Maddies cheek, she pushed her sweatshirt sleeve into her mouth to muffle a sob. She should have seen this coming. She got too comfortable. 

"You're not taking my children away" Athena said aggressively. "They're on the adoption track, Cherise. You said it yourself."

Maddies eyes went wide. 

"Emergency Fosters aren't cleared for adoption, you're a last resort, not a family." 

"They are my family" Maddie could hear the aggression in Athenas voice, there was a venom she'd never heard before laced in her words "And if you or the state try to remove them from my home, I'll be suing the system. Either way I'm keeping my babies, one way will cost the state more than they think these priceless children are worth."

The room was silent

"I'll start processing the paperwork to move forward with adoptio.n"

"Damn right you will."

Maddie choked another sob and quickly hid in the closet by the door as the social worker began to climb the stairs. She heard the door close and Athena sigh. 

"Mads" She said gently "she's gone" 

Maddie pushed the door open and threw her arms around Athenas neck "You heard all of that, huh? Me and Bobby wanted the adoption to be a surprise."

Maddie just cried into Athenas shoulder. 

It was all going to be okay. 


	2. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie joins the team, and something happens to Buck.

"Bucky, you said we could hang out this weekend!" May shouted

"It's Buck!" He yelled across the house "How many times do I have to tell you to call me Buck!"

Buck heard May's bedroom door slam and he put his face into his hands, rubbing his eyes "Fuck"

"Language" Athena said when she entered the room "Now what was all that shouting about?"

"May's pissed because I have to work a double this weekend, dad won't tell me why. I promised to take May to the pier and I had to cancel the plans"

"I'm sure your dad has his reasons. Have you heard from your sister recently?"

"Nah" Buck said as he grabbed an apple from the basket "last I heard her and Doug were going on vacation"

Athena grunted "I never liked that boy"

Buck shrugged "Her life, I'm heading home"

"You mean Abbys home. You can't afford that place Buck, you gotta cut your losses before you start hemorrhaging"

"Mom. She's coming back."

Athena scoffed "she's been gone six months, sweetheart. I love you and I loved that Abby made you happy, even if I'm not a fan of the age gap-"

"Mom-"

Athena held her hands up "Alright. I'll mind my business, but you're on your own if you start bleeding money from that apartment. We got May's college to fund to focus all our extra cash on"

"I promise I won't let it get to that stage, Mom"

Athena cupped her sons cheeks and kissed his head, even if he did stand a foot taller than her. "Okay, okay, get goin, or you'll be facing the wrath of May"

Buck cringed "Please tell her I'm sorry, also tell her it's all dads fault and to be mad at him, not me."

"I will do no such thing, baby. Now get." 

Buck rolled his eyes and ascended to the stairs to the door, making his way back to his apartment.

... 

Finding Maddie in his shower was never part of any plan, finding Maddie naked in his shower, whilst he was also naked, was definitely never part of any plan he'd ever dreamt of. And he kind of wanted to drink bleach because of it, or at least just drop some into his eyes. 

"I left Doug" Was one of the first things Maddie said when she entered the kitchen. "I left him and I came here. I remember mom mentioned you lived here now, and that it belongs to some woman called Abby" 

Buck nodded as he took a long drink of his beer "Mom's gonna be ecstatic when she hears you've left Doug, she was literally saying an hour ago how much she didn't like him. Speaking of, why didn't you go to Mom and Dads?" 

Maddie chewed in her bottom lip 

"Mads, spit it out" He said as he followed her to the sitting room 

She shrugged and dropped down on one of the sofas "I figured that would be the first place he'd check... and I want to keep May safe. He doesn't know you live here" 

Bucks brows furrowed "Keep May safe? Why would you nee-" Buck froze "Has he been hurting you?" 

Maddie broke down into tears and nodded weakly. 

"How long?" Buck clenched his jaw, an attribute he learned from when his father, his adopted father, was angry. 

Maddie wiped her face and refused to answer.

"Madison, how long?" 

She looked up at him, eyes glassy "Six years." 

Buck threw his half full bottle of beer at a wall, causing Maddie to flinch. 

"I'm going to kill him" He marched towards the door, grabbing his keys. Maddie was up in a shot and intercepted his path. 

"No, Buck. You can't." 

Buck could see red "After everything we escaped-you ended up back in a situation like-" 

Buck squeezed his eyes shut as Maddie took the keys from his hand. 

"I'm safe now. I'm going to call mom" 

Buck huffed and turned away, slamming the doors to the bedroom behind him. 

Maddie sighed and made her way over to the bedroom doors and nicked queity "Bucky?" No response "Buck... Don't tell mom and dad I'm in town, I don't want them to have to lie to him if he calls, I'll call her and tell her I'm safe" 

No response. 

... 

Saturday morning was normal, Buck was riffing with his dad about the calander when Chim spoke up about the new recruit. 

Buck turned around slowly, just in time to watch the man put of his shirt, the world felt like it was in slow motion, and Buck felt sick. 

"What do we need him for" Buck asked, trying to mask the panic he was feeling. 

Bobby started talking about Eddie's achievements but all Buck could hear was rushing air. He didn't know where the sense of panic and dread was even coming from, but something was definitely wrong. 

"Come on, I'll introduce you" Bobby said as he patted Bucks shoulder. Hen and Chim followed Bobby, but Buck still felt frozen and he had no idea why. He slowly turned to see Hen and Chim greeting Eddie, he looked at the man just in time to see him flash a smile that made Buck feel sick. 

He rushed off in the opposite direction, out of the fire house and into the street, his breathing was labored and the world was spinning. It took all of his strength to pull out his cellphone and dial his sister. 

"Bucky?" 

"May, I cant-" He choked "_I can't breathe_"

"_Oh my god, I'm getting mom_" 

Buck nodded, forgetting that May couldn't see him. 

_"Evan? Baby"_ Athenas voice fluttered through the receiver and Buck immediately felt himself begin to calm "_Sweetie I thought you were at work, where are you?" _

"I-" He heaved "I'm at work, I'm outside" 

"_Where's your dad? Or Hen_?" 

"Inside" he said on a short breath

_"May call your father" _

_"you're on my phone-" _

_"my phone-" _

It was the opposite of what Buck wanted, but he knew he was knees deep into a panic attack. 

_"Breathe, sweetie"_ Athena soothed over the phone, but Buck couldn't catch his breath. In no time, Bobby and Hen had rushed out of the fire house and found Buck kneeling in the floor with his head against the wall

_"Bobby~?"_ Athenas voice came from the phone Buck had clenched in his hand, his knuckles white, the phone was on the verge of breaking under his strength

"I'm here Athena, you can hang up, I'll call you when we've sorted him out" 

_"Okay~"_ The phone screen went black and it clattered to the floor, Buck moved his hand to hold onto Bobby's arm.

"What happened, Buck? You haven't had an attack in years" 

"I-" He choked "I don't know" 

Bobby stroked Bucks back as Hen checked his vitals "He's good, Bobby, it's just a panic attack, I'll leave you guys alone."

Hen went back into the building, meeting a worried Chim at the door, a confused Eddie stood beside him. 

"What are they to each other?" Eddie asked

"Father and son" 

Eddie furrowed his brow "Isn't Bobby a bit young to be-" 

"Adopted" Hen filled in "Bobby and Athena adopted Buck and his sister when they were kids, they hadn't even been married that long when they took them in" 

Eddie nodded "We should give them some privacy" 

"Yeah, " Chim said "we should" 

... 

30 minutes later Buck had finally calmed down, his back was against the solid brick wall of the 118 building, sun pelting down onto him. 

"Want to tell me what that was about?" Bobby asked after the prolonged silence

Buck sucked in his bottom lip "I don't know. Something to do with Eddie, but I don't know why" 

"Eddie? Do you know him?" 

Buck shook his head "Never seen him before in my life, " he shrugged "I just felt sick, and then it happened."

Bobby's leant his head back, a small noise echoed as his head hit the brick wall "Have you ever felt like that before?" 

Some kids kicked a ball into the station yard, it rolled slowly towards Buck, he kicked it lightly with the toe of his boot towards the little boy. He shrugged and squinted as he looked towards the sky "I think so" 

"When you were a kid?" 

Buck nodded, focusing back on the kids who were kicking a ball along the sidewalk "I guess," 

Bobby squeezed his sons shoulder "It scared me." He admitted "I know you've had panic attacks before, but they never lasted that long. Your moms probably beside herself, I'm surprised she hasn't shown up with May yet." 

Buck smiled "I'm an adult. Plus, she knows you've got me." 

Bobby scoffed a laugh "The day she trusts me to be the sole protector of you three, we'll worry." Buck didn't really respond "Want to head back inside?" 

Buck inhaled hard, he grappled to find another focal point as the kids with the ball turned a corner, his eyes moved around in a panic until they settled on a black cat sitting on a wall across the street. 

"Buck?" Bobby 

"I think I'm gonna stay out here a bit longer, I'll hear the bell if it goes off" 

Bobby nodded and stood up, understanding Buck needed a bit of space. "I'll call your mom and let her know you're okay, you might want to call her tonight though or she won't rest" 

"I will." he nodded, the cats tail swayed gently side to side as it rested on the wall, the blackness of it standing out against the stark white "Hey dad?" 

Bobby stopped short of the entrance "Yeah?" 

"Thanks..."

Bobby smiled "Anytime" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 2, it might not be exactly what you were expecting, but I promise we're getting to the buddie, they actually interact next chapter 🤩
> 
> I have proof read this but I always miss typos, so if you spot any, don't be afraid to point them out!
> 
> Please leave kudos & comment if you enjoy the story, feedback really helps me write knowing that y'all are liking the content I'm putting out, the response on the first chapter was phenomenal 🥰


	3. Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning : Mild Mentions/Descriptions of child abuse in this chapter, not a lot of detail but still there. Also derogatory/homophobic terms used in a malicious sense - all of this is contained in one scene.

Safe to say, Bucks brain had gone to hell in a handbasket. Working with Eddie was going to be a lot hader than he ever would have anticipated working with another man would be.

He wasn't like this with any other man he'd come across--ever. But something about that smile and those eyes just made him nauseous.

It was after the earthquake, when they were forced to put feelings aside and work in synchronicity, that Buck realized what was going on. 

He was attracted to Eddie Diaz. 

He felt sick because he was attracted to Eddie Diaz. 

Why though? Buck was the furthest thing from homophobic, he loved Hen and Karen, and he'd been faced with plenty of LGBTQ+ people in his line of work. 

So why was this feeling making him so sick? 

And why was it happening? Last time Buck checked, he wasn't gay, or Bi, or anything other than interested in girls. Women. 

Buck felt another wave of nausea the more he thought about it. 

It's wrong. He should feel this way. 

He shouldn't _ever_ feel this way. 

It hurts to feel this way. 

Buck threw up the meal that his parents had cooked, every last bit when down the toiler in the bathroom of their house. He flushed awya the evidence and leant against the side of the tub. 

"Bucky?" A small voice, followed by three knocks. "You okay?" 

"I'm fine, May."

"Are you having another attack?" 

Buck exhaled. Was he having another attack? No, he could breathe. He was fine. 

"I'm good, May" 

He heard the girls footsteps as she walked away, knowing it wasn't over he stood up and opened the door, just in time to come face-to-face with his mom. 

"Hi" He half smiled. 

"Now you're going to tell me what's going on Evan Buckley-Nash. May said she heard you throw up." 

"Mom, I'm fine." 

"Mmhmm" She scoffed, leaning around him and grabbing a damp hand towel, dabbed it at the bit of throw-up that had somehow landed in his shirt "Clearly!" 

He grabbed the cloth from her and turned to the mirror, dabbing at the stain "Fine, I'm not. But I don't wanna talk about it." he angrily rubbed, making the wet patch bigger "Shit." he mumbled. 

Athena sighed and put her hands on her hips, Buck gently pushed past her

"Look I've gotta go home- Mad-" He cut himself off before accidentally revealing his sister was in town. 

"Mad what?" Athena furrowed her brow. 

"Nothing, I'e just gotta go. My shirts covered in vomit."

Athena rolled her eyes and followed him to the door, he shouted goodbyes to his sister and dad, hugging Athena on his way out. 

With that, Buck left and drove uneasily back to his - Abby's - apartment. 

Maddie greeted him at the door and threw her hands around his neck. Her nose scrunching at the smell

"Mom call you?" he pulled away from her, walking into the bathroom and pulling his shirt off and grabbing a fresh one from the cupboard.

"May... But also Doug... I had to smash my phone up"

"Does he know you're here?" 

Maddie shook her head "I don't think so, but it won't stop him coming to look, I've reay gotta move on, Buck, but before I do you need to tell me what's going on."

"Youre not going anywhere, we can keep you safe here" he pulled the shirt over his head and swirled some mouth wash around, spitting into the sink. 

Maddie pinched the brow of her nose "If he finds out I'm in LA, he'll do anything to get to me, now stop distracting me and tell me what's up" 

"There's a new guy at work" Buck walked into the main room and towards the sofa before dropping down onto it "I'm getting used to him but-" 

"But what?" Maddie joined him on the sofa "Is he bad at his job? Offensive? Rude?"

Buck shook his head and smiled "No he's pretty amazing at his job for a probie, and he's a good guy, got a kid. But I just cant-" 

Maddie shuffled closer to him "Can't what?" 

"It's hard to work with him." 

"Why?"

Buck stood up and paced the room "I doesn't matter why, I just don't feel good when I work with him" 

"Have you told dad?" 

Buck shrugged his shoulders "Kinda, on Eddie's first day I had a panic attack-" 

"What-" Maddie stood up fast. 

"It was actually only two days ago"

"The day I arrived?!" She put her hands on his shoulders "Why didn't you tell me? I'm a Nurse, Evan."

He shrugged her hand soff of him "I didn't want to stress you out, with the whole Doug thing-" 

"Evan Buckley-Nash don't blame this on me" She sat back down

"Full named twice in one day, ouch." he laughed and rejoined her. 

"Buck, I'm serious." He could see the concern in her eyes. 

"Okay," he held his hands up in defense "maybe I know what's going on" 

Maddie tucked her feet onto the sofa"You wanna talk about it?" 

"He's just-- He's such a good guy, and his kid, Christopher... He came to the firehouse today and it was pretty awesome, I love kids and seeing him with him-" 

Buck stopped talking, but Maddie got the picture. 

"You like him, like _like_ him" 

Buck nodded, an involuntary tear rolling down his cheek. 

"I don't know what to do, Mads. I mean look where we are" He gestured to Abbys apartment "Just having these feelings i- I feel like I'm cheating, it feels wrong. " 

Maddie shook her head "You're not cheating, she may never come back Buck-" 

Buck huffed, not wanting to admit he thinks she could be right "And what about the wrong feeling? I've never been attracted to men before-" 

"That's not entirely true" Maddie sighed

"I know what's true about me, Maddie. It feels wrong, but I'm not that way, you know? I'm not gay. But I'm not against it either- Hen, I work with her, she's married to a woman and they're the best little family. I don't get where this came from, It's not me" 

Maddie stood up "That's not entirely true Evan."

He looked up at her "Why are you saying that?" 

Maddie pinched the brow of her nose again "I think you blocked it out..."

"Blocked what out? Maddie?" 

She looked at him, her eyes a little glassy "Do you remember when dad found us, the day on the kerb, with the fire?" 

"Yeah, what about it?"

"How much do you really remember about our time with our birth father?" 

Buck contemplated for a moment 

_'FUCKING QUEER' _

He flinched. 

"Not- Not much" 

"So you don't remember about the day they took us away? The day you went to hospital?" 

"I was hit by a car! I had a brain bleed, Maddie! I don't know what you're expecting me to remember!"

"You weren't hit by a car..." Maddie shifted on her feet and took a seat on the chair opposite him. "That day, you were off school sick. Da- our biological father- was at work so you were left alone, to this day I don't know if it was the bullying that made you stay home or if you really were sick, but da- he- came home early and found you in my stuff" 

"What?" Buck wracked his brain, why couldn't he remember this? 

Maddie bit her lip "Do you wanna hear the rest?" 

Buck nodded "I need to know" 

"You always used to read my magazines with me, and you always seemed as interested in the boys as you were the girls... It didn't bother me, you know? You were young and we shared such a small space so I just figured you were trying to be like me" 

Buck nodded numbly. 

"We always told you the brain bleed was because that man left you home alone and you'd gotten hurt, and he was put in jail for neglect."

"Yeah, I know that" 

Maddie shook her head "He found you in my stuff, reading one of the magazines, you were doing some stupid 'does he like you' quiz about some stupid teen celebrity back then, at least that's what I found near you, half filled in" 

"Near me?" Bucks voice wobbled

"I came home after it a happened..." She choked a sob "I knew something was wrong because you didn't come running when I came in the house, and dad was passed out on the couch... there was blood in his knuckles" 

Buck felt sick, suddenly it came rushing back to him. 

_'I'm not raising a fucking fag' _

_'I'll fucking beat it out of you or kill you trying' _

_'ain't no queers staying under my roof' _

I ran to our room, and you weren't there... It was the worst feeling I ever had, that's when I noticed the blood"

Maddie was crying now, the evidence of pulling up a memory that was long pushed away was streaming down her cheeks. "I followed it and you were in the garden, I don't know if you ran out there when you were injured or if he threw you and the magazine out there-" 

She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes and wiped her cheeks "I thought you were dead... you were so small and there was so much blood" She choked on more tears. 

Buck surged forward and hugged her "You saved me" he whispered into her hair "You got me" 

After crying it out, They finally pulled apart. 

"All I'm saying Buck, is that this has always been a part of you, even if back then we didn't really realize what that meant" 

"Mom and dad... they know?" 

Maddie nodded "Mom read our files before we even got in that first night, she always tried to make sure you felt so loved, she didn't the same with me too, but you were always her baby" 

"Dad probably guessed" Buck panicked "I tol- I told him Eddie was the one making me feel weird- oh my God he knows" 

Buck started hyperventilating. 

"Buck calm down" Maddie put her hands on his cheeks "Buck, breathe. Dad doesn't care, it probably didn't even pass his mind, it's been years since they read our files" 

With the help of Maddie, Buck eventually slowed down his breathing "You really think so?" 

Maddie felt like lying, saying 'Yeah, I'm positive our parents don't remember the harrowing details about the reasoning their son was almost killed before they even met him' 

Instead, she opted for a middleground. 

"I don't know for sure, Buck. But I am sure that was not the first thing that went through dad's head when you had your panic attack, not even when you told him it was because of Eddie. I don't know if it's gone through his head since then. What I do know, is even if it has since then, mom and dad still love you. And there's no way they wouldn't accept this part of you. Mom's best friend is Henrietta, Uncle Michael is gay. Plus, sixteen years ago they took in a little boy who was beaten half to death for maybe liking boys. They didn't care then, and they wont care now."

Buck hugged his sister tight. 

She was right.

"How you feel is not wrong" 

He knew she was right about that too, but he couldn't help feeling that it was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I had a months lapse with this chapter, I've been working non-stop (literally, I've had 3 days off work since I posted the last chapter and basically had no downtime!) Trust me when I say it wasn't planned, and I wouldn't have started posting the fic so soon if I thought it was going to have massive breaks. This month is still busy (only had one day off so far and my next scheduled day off isn't until the 19th- my last was the 9th!) but I thought I'd put this update out just to let y'all know its not abandoned.
> 
> Sorry if it's a little short, I've been pecking at it bit-by-bit all month. It's also Un-Beta'd because I don't have a beta, so if you see any mistakes let me know so I cna fix them asap!
> 
> Please leave Kudos and comments if you like this fic, the feedback really helps me write because then I know people are interest 😊

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this prologue, It's an introduction to how things are and how this story differs from what we know 9-1-1 to be. Please leave kudos & comment if you enjoy the story, feedback really helps me write!


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